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Judge John Hodgman on the Secret Flip Off

Taylor writes: I recently caught my wife, Leslie, secretly flipping me off while I was cooking. She admitted she does this often — not just to me, but to anyone who has drawn her ire. Please order Leslie to flip me off to my face. Even just muttering “bird” behind my back would help maintain communication with my lovely wife — whom I admittedly flip off jokingly from time to time. To. Her. Face.

I could order her to stop, but let’s face it: Leslie will then just press her middle finger to that picture of my face, and then start double flipping you off behind your back. I get that this makes you uncomfortable. But picture my hand when I say: Sit on it, Taylor. While you are happily married, Leslie still deserves her own inner life. That said, I do encourage your low-muttered “bird” suggestion, as it’s hilarious, and it might prompt discussion as to why you two are so bird-worthy all the time.

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